Farm Girl Tips: You Married a Farmer

Being a farmer is a difficult job. We know it's rewarding, but if we are being honest, it's hard. And sometimes it's really hard. When you live a life where your livelihood depends on your care and your time, it means the days don't start at 8 and they certainly don't end at 5. But that is the reality of being a farmer and it can be lonely. It's never easy to be a farmer, but being married to a farmer or being two farmers who are married to one another can be a challenge, to say the least. But you aren't alone. When you marry a farmer, your expectations have to be realistic about what life is like on the farm. Some farm girls gave great advice on what it's like and how to handle it!

You learn to adapt. Yes, you may be attending events just you and the kids, there will be late nights, early mornings, meals delivered to the field, etc. You wish your husband had a nine-to-five job, but then you remember the perks husband has that they don't, so you realize you're pretty lucky. Your kids grow up in the country, what can be better!!

When I miss my husband, I go out and farm with him. It isn't romantic, but you can make it a family thing. Just spending time together can make a big difference. It also helps as your kids get older, if you have them, because they can help out, too!

Yes it can be tough, but just remember it's not just farmers who work long hours. Plenty of husbands and dads work all week with long hours! We are lucky we can work at home!

Being married to a farmer never gets easier. But it does help you to increase your patience and makes you appreciate hard work.

Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Know that he wants to be spending time with you as much as you want to be spending time with him, but sometimes it's not possible. The work you both do takes care of your family.

Being a farmer married to a farmer is all about perspective. You have to accept your reality and make the most of it. Date nights might be in a tractor or on only a rainy day, but you take it. Because this is the life you love.

We made it a point to take Sundays off no matter what needed to be done on the farm. Sometimes that means a long night another time, but it keeps us sane.

Each day comes with positives and negatives. Try and support your husband and keep communicating. Sometimes all you need to do is share your feelings and LISTEN!!

Sometimes it sucks and sometimes you just have to look forward to winter. Take a minute when you can to reconnect - take a ride together or have a quick lunch. Showing you care can go a long way.

Get thick skin. Being a farmer can be tough on your feelings when the days are long and you don't have much sleep and you aren't feeling loved. But this too shall pass. It's worth it to be a part of this life. Remember that good times on the farm outweigh the bad!

Have a support system. If you have family, friends, church or a community around you that you can lean on, it will make all the difference in the world.

Enjoy the rain and the winter while you can. Bad weather is not fun, but it usually means a bit of a break.

You have to learn to appreciate the small moments together!

It does get easier. You get used to scheduling around farming. And farming always comes first. Once you embrace that, your expectations will be more realistic. Learn to not get disappointed when plans change and go with the flow.

It takes a strong-willed person that farms and ranches. It doesn't matter if you are young and starting or older and established.

You adapt! This time of year the days are long, and the tempers short. Thing is, of course plans come second to the farm, four-legged babies have to be fed, cows have to be milked, crops have to be planted, etc. The farm is your livelihood. I wouldn't trade my farmer or my farm life for anything!

It's definitely hard. My husband and I are going on 13 years now, and I still have what I've heard referred to as "farmer's wife transition" every year. Embrace the farm life; allow your husband the time and freedom to do what HAS to be done. Nobody has an easy life, but the benefits are worth it.

Count each blessing, instead of focusing on the negative, start each day with a recount of all the moments that you saw your children smile! Take lots of pictures so your husband can catch up! We have five children, and we are looking forward to the day when they can really help out! Lastly, take time to pray!

Find the things to fill the gaps when he is busy - whether that is kids, gardening, helping him out, catching up on laundry, your other family, reading, knitting, etc. And, savor the time you spend together!

I had to learn that getting upset only hurts me and our family. I learned that communication is the key! It is okay to be annoyed or upset, but don't hang onto it. Admit it, move on.

Work together!!!! It gets him home quicker.

The frustration and loneliness can get a little overwhelming. Just remember, it's just as hard for him to be away from you, too.

I find that making my place in his work is so helpful. Don't look at it as me vs. farming, but us as a team. Also during planting and harvest I've learned to utilize that time with me-time, girlfriends I need to make time for, and family I don't see enough.

Know that your spouse is never choosing the farm over you, but choosing the farm for you and for your family.

It's all about perspective. I always say I'd rather live in his world then without him in mine!

related topics: farm gal, for mom, farming, agriculture

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Comments

Cindy Fry - Thursday, June 4, 2015 at 12:03:40 PM
Pink girls what a mixed message! I loved the post about how many women are now farmers, including myself. Farmer's wifes usually are also farmers! Why not give them credit for being farmers instead of putting them down as just the wife! My mother was a farmer and she farmed with her husband. She considered herself unemployed and a housewife, WHAT! Let's empower women in agriculture!
Pink Tractor - Thursday, June 4, 2015 at 12:06:48 PM
Cindy - We never put anyone down and we even said sometimes its a farmer married to a farmer. We have all kinds of ladies who read this site and there is no blanket of information to help everyone. We are empowering all women by acknowledging the difference. These tips apply to both sides.
Judy Johnson - Thursday, June 4, 2015 at 12:37:40 PM
Im not married yet.I grew up on a farm and work in the office of a farm. Ive been with a Farmer nearly two years now and I was at the point of giving up untill i read this!! He is such a good man and hard worker treats me like a queen and my kids as his own...but we hardly ever see each other. We dont live together so it makes it even harder to see each other. He tells me everyday how much he loves us and misses us and we talk daily even if its just by messages. He tells me you wanted a farmer and a farm life but can handle it? You have to be patient and in time it will all fall together. I know in my heart I love this man and this life and Im trying. Im not a clingy woman and I would live outside if i could and I love hard work I just cant use to the NO TIME. This article opened my eyes and showed me just how much i do love and want this life!! Thank you so much!!
kayla - Thursday, June 4, 2015 at 2:03:23 PM
Thank you for the reminder of all of this! Its all true and some days i need reminding! I'm still adjusting to full time farm life, i only did it "part-time" before i married my farmer and its way different especially with kids. So thank you! :-)
Jackie - Thursday, June 4, 2015 at 3:27:37 PM
I can appreciate and relate to this. I am a dairy farmer My husband runs the farm as a whole and I milk morning and night not quite as early as I should but I'll get there my 12yr old daughter helst milk my sons help feed calves among other things. I differ ER om the article because I did not come from farm background we got in it together me having no clue and lost my drive a couple years ago and wanting to make our farm life and my marriage work thank youfor the encouragement to stick it out it is rewarding.
Michelle - Monday, June 15, 2015 at 12:24:36 AM
I was from a large city when I married my farmer. There was never any doubt I would follow him. My job could go anywhere as a nurse. It definitely helps to have hobbies. And just enjoy your life. There is no better place to raise children.
jenn - Wednesday, July 8, 2015 at 4:39:26 AM
I've been.dating a farmer for over a year now. Long distance for over a year.I am making the transition to move in a few weeks..All he's worried about is if I can deal with.the farm life as he calls it. Any advice fir a newbe farmers fulltime gal!Its a real small town and I dint know anyone.
Kathy - Wednesday, July 8, 2015 at 8:57:30 AM
I have been a farmer my entire life, raised on one and have been married to one for 38 years. Not going to say it as always been easy but, rewarding..yes. Your posts are good reminders to love the ones you love through it all...bumper crops, drought, flood. Count your blessings. Do not want to be any where else.
Linda - Tuesday, July 14, 2015 at 9:10:13 PM
Farmers,love Iife,nature,and their family
Margaret - Friday, July 17, 2015 at 1:40:51 AM
Thank you for the reminders! We moved to a tiny town in MT a year and a half ago. My husband works on a ranch and I have to work in town when I'd rather be on the ranch with him. It gets very lonely sometimes not knowing anyone. I need to remember that he's working all those long hours for us and not choosing the ranch over me! Thank you.
Becky - Tuesday, August 11, 2015 at 2:00:15 PM
This is PERFECT!!! I am 23, I grew up on a farm and am marrying a farmer this Fall (hopefully harvest is finished by our wedding date--if not, our first few days as a married couple will be spent snuggled together in the combine ;) ) My fiance and his family take Sundays off and it is a huge blessing! I simply love everything you said in your blog! It is a good reminder that he is not choosing the farm over me, he is working hard FOR me! Thank you!!
Fred Long - Thursday, September 10, 2015 at 8:28:26 PM
Great message brought memory
Macmillian Itumeleng - Tuesday, September 15, 2015 at 3:00:37 PM
wat an inspiring massage, I have learned something I was stressing about, you brought the solution to me
Lenore - Saturday, October 3, 2015 at 3:20:15 PM
Enjoy your time as a farmer & a farmer's wife. We had to give it up and I miss it alot
Brenda - Wednesday, December 2, 2015 at 3:23:10 PM
My husband is very proud of me and our farming business. I came from never mowing the grass to being able to drive every piece of equipment... Except the semi! But I ride shotgun almost everyday first thing in the mornings so we can talk our game plan for the day. My husband respects me and always brags to everyone my part in our farm. We are partners and just happen to be married . 32 years strong and it wasn't easy! But definitely worth it!
Cathy - Wednesday, December 2, 2015 at 5:09:21 PM
Cherish the time you have with each other when ever you can.
Alexandra - Thursday, December 3, 2015 at 9:34:09 AM
My boyfriend recently bought a farm ( house , 4 acres , 2 barns) in the middle of nowhere Indiana. He asked me to move in with him & I wasn't sure. I'm from Greenwood which is close to Indianapolis. Born & raised a city girl. My parents though always had us exploring outside so I love nature and animals. When I moved to the farm I was thinking what am I doing? It's dirty , it needs fixed up , I don't know anyone out here. But about 3 months has gone by & I can't imagine waking up anywhere else with anyone else. We have 3 pigs that I take care of & barns that need some TLC. I'm becoming a farmer & it's a title I will carry proudly. My boyfriend & I work as a team. But sometimes I'm doing house work while he's maintaining outdoor chores & this article helped me to realize he's doing it all for US. I appreciate my farmer more & more everyday & I appreciate finding a website that helps a city girl like me find my way down the cowgirl path.

Biggest Tip to newbies : dirt don't hurt , cobwebs come off , spiders can be killed & if you don't want it to get dirty don't wear it outside
Shelby - Tuesday, February 2, 2016 at 4:46:32 AM
This is great! I was born and raised on 4,000 acres with my dad, mom and 3 other sisters. We had to bust our butts but it was so worth it! It is not an easy life but as you all know, it is sooo rewarding! I am now about to marry my farmer! We have definitely had our tiffs here and there but at the end of the day, we always talk our days through and move on to the next. We have 6,000 acres and also custom harvest. Oh man do the days merge into one sometimes and tempers start to flare...my advice, take a deep breath (or 20) look at what you and your farmer have accomplished then look up and thank that big guy up above for blessing you and your farmer with the AMAZING (but tough) life you are living! You've got this ladies!!!
patricia - Sunday, October 9, 2016 at 8:12:55 AM
great
Shyla - Thursday, November 17, 2016 at 3:16:12 PM
This is a very good, well written piece. Thank you! I was born and raised on a horse/cattle and wheat farm, fell head over heels for a hard working farmer, who busts his buns because of his love for it and I'm fortunate to work for the "farmers and ranchers". Farming and ranching is not a easy life, like the article says, you have to "adapt" to all sorts of good and not so good things, and that's what makes the life very rewarding and gratifying. I wouldn't change it for the world. Can't imagine any other place that I'd want to be or raise our kids at!

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